I was blinded
I couldn't see the signs
I was blinded
I couldn't feel the cold
I was blinded
I couldn't hear the sounds
I am blind
I can't rule your world
I am blind
I can't get the satisfaction
I am blind
I can't sense the fear
I am disappearing In 10 seconds
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
...
Rabu, 16 Desember 2009
Senin, 07 Desember 2009
The Cold Water
Tell me that your world's going round
Passing my world this time
Imagine that your world's going round
It's going past mine again
Don't ever stop, don't ever turn back time
Stay like this forever
Don't try to run, don't try to rest your arms
I'm around because you're around
I placed my bets on the fire
I played my games on the sky
Realized, now
Sleep
Water flows, it goes smoothly
Passing my world (again) this time
Cryptic messages flooded the board, i see
Got nothing to do with me
You run, then i run, and you run, and i run
flowing beside the water's line
And all i feel
Full
I placed my bets on the fire
I played my games on the sky
Realized, now
Sleep
Tell me that your world's going round
Tell me that your world's going round
Tell me that your world's going round
Like cold water
Passing my world this time
Imagine that your world's going round
It's going past mine again
Don't ever stop, don't ever turn back time
Stay like this forever
Don't try to run, don't try to rest your arms
I'm around because you're around
I placed my bets on the fire
I played my games on the sky
Realized, now
Sleep
Water flows, it goes smoothly
Passing my world (again) this time
Cryptic messages flooded the board, i see
Got nothing to do with me
You run, then i run, and you run, and i run
flowing beside the water's line
And all i feel
Full
I placed my bets on the fire
I played my games on the sky
Realized, now
Sleep
Tell me that your world's going round
Tell me that your world's going round
Tell me that your world's going round
Like cold water
Senin, 23 November 2009
Selasa, 17 November 2009
Drowning pt. 2
Let me know when time is up
I'll wait for me to change
The end is near and running fast
I'll wait for me to change
Yellow, white, green, red and violet
Dripping through the drapes
The scenes that i will not regret
Breaking free and...
I'll wait for me to change
The end is near and running fast
I'll wait for me to change
Yellow, white, green, red and violet
Dripping through the drapes
The scenes that i will not regret
Breaking free and...
Drowning
Let me know when times will end
I'll wait for me to break
Let me know what fire will come
I'll wait for me to break
You feel the heat I feel the need sometimes
The rain already fell
Grab my hand and throw me away sometimes
The world's already swelled
I'll wait for me to break
Let me know what fire will come
I'll wait for me to break
You feel the heat I feel the need sometimes
The rain already fell
Grab my hand and throw me away sometimes
The world's already swelled
Senin, 09 November 2009
Keperkasaan dan kedigdayaan
Satu rokok membakar habis harapan, dan satu gelas anggur memunculkan lagi harapan itu. Dia yang tak pernah muncul sebelumnya datang menggoda dengan jutaan jurus yang sayangnya kurang ampuh. kenapa kurang ampuh? itu karena rokoknya mulai menyala lagi sebelum jurus ampuh tadi bisa dikeluarkan. Malam benar-benar indah.
Satu rokok membakar habis niat, dan satu obrolan memunculkan lagi niat itu. Sebuah keinginan untuk tetap tinggal dan menikmati surga sepenuhnya kembali terkuak setelah penggalian selama 5000 tahun. Teringat kembali saat-saat pengkhianatan oleh Adam dan keinginan untuk membalas pengkhianatan itu bangkit kembali. Tetapi semua sia-sia. Kenapa sia-sia? itu karena rokoknya menyala kembali sebelum niat itu terlaksana,
Sebuah duina tanpa rokok.
Sebuah dunia tanpa niat.
Sebuah dunia tanpa harapan.
Satu rokok membakar habis niat, dan satu obrolan memunculkan lagi niat itu. Sebuah keinginan untuk tetap tinggal dan menikmati surga sepenuhnya kembali terkuak setelah penggalian selama 5000 tahun. Teringat kembali saat-saat pengkhianatan oleh Adam dan keinginan untuk membalas pengkhianatan itu bangkit kembali. Tetapi semua sia-sia. Kenapa sia-sia? itu karena rokoknya menyala kembali sebelum niat itu terlaksana,
Sebuah duina tanpa rokok.
Sebuah dunia tanpa niat.
Sebuah dunia tanpa harapan.
Jumat, 06 November 2009
Kehidupan Mahasiswa Rantau
Pagi kuliah,
Malam kerja lagi.
Pagi kuliah,
Malam jalan-jalan lagi.
Pagi kuliah,
Malam garap tugas lagi.
Pagi kuliah,
Malam mabuk-mabukan lagi.
Hari yang indah.
Malam kerja lagi.
Pagi kuliah,
Malam jalan-jalan lagi.
Pagi kuliah,
Malam garap tugas lagi.
Pagi kuliah,
Malam mabuk-mabukan lagi.
Hari yang indah.
Senin, 02 November 2009
Downloaded
I keep it so you can't throw it away. It's still there on my table.
I hide it so you don't spit on it freely. It's still there on my table.
I grab it so you won't easily break it. It's still there on my table.
I cover it so you can't burn it. It's still there on my table.
And, would you mind if i give that to you as a birthday present?
I hide it so you don't spit on it freely. It's still there on my table.
I grab it so you won't easily break it. It's still there on my table.
I cover it so you can't burn it. It's still there on my table.
And, would you mind if i give that to you as a birthday present?
Rabu, 28 Oktober 2009
Tembok Benteng
Aku ada acara nanti malam.
Aku mau nemenin ibuku ke rumah sodara.
Aku nggak ada pulsa.
Aku nggak boleh keluar malem.
Aku nggak bisa bawa kendaraan.
Aku lagi nggak enak badan nih.
Aku udah bikin janji sama dia.
Aku mau ngerjain tugas.
Aku dimarahin ayahku waktu kemarin kita pulang.
..................
Memangnya aku nggak boleh punya acara sendiri?
Alasan.
Rabu, 07 Oktober 2009
Nostalgia
Dog to puppy.
Chicken to egg.
Cat to kitten.
Bear to bear cub.
Roses to seeds.
Humans to embryos.
God to nothing.
Life to emptiness.
Me to you.
I was you and you were not me.
Jumat, 25 September 2009
Seekor Anjing
Lama saya membaca buku itu. Saya sudah membaca buku itu berpuluh-puluh kali tetapi tidak pernah bosan. Naik turun berbelok kiri kanan jungkir balik terpental. Saya kehilangan kata-kata untuk mendeskripsikan buku itu. Halaman 280 telah lewat dan kini saya memasuki chapter 15 dan alam bawah sadar mulai membayangkan kejadian di dalam bagian tersebut. Yang saya ingat -dan tidak mungkin akan terlupa- bagian tersebut menceritakan tentang bagaimana si pemeran utama menghadapi seekor anjing yang mengerikan. Anjing tersebut bisa mengendalikan pikirannya dan akhirnya membawa si pemeran utama menjadi seorang yang mentally ill pada akhir chapter. Tetapi sebenarnya anjing tersebut adalah halusinasi si pemeran utama tadi. Perwujudan dari paranoia yang menghantui semenjak kejadian yang menghancurkan hidupnya.
Si anjing berkata kepada pemeran utama bahwa segala usahanya untuk melupakan dan menghilangkan memori dan data akan pasangan hidupnya itu adalah sia-sia. Bahwa apapun yang sudah terbakar di neraka tidak akan bisa mendengar bahkan doa yang paling tulus dari anak kecil yang paling polos sekalipun. Apalagi si pemeran utama disini adalah seorang residivis yang melakukan kejahatan gila. kemungkinannya adalah 0%. Kegagalan mutlak. Skizofrenia yang telah berhasil disingkirkannya kembali merangkak naik ke permukaan. Paranoia merasuk kedalam sendi-sendi tulang, manghambat daya gerak. Rasa mual seakan-akan menerjang seperti tsunami. Dia jatuh. Dia hilang. Hilang di dalam labirin yang tanpa sengaja dia buat sendiri.
Anjing itu tersenyum. Tertawa. Berguling-guling di tanah menahan rasa geli. Dilihatnya sang pemeran utama menjerit kesakitan dan menggeliat menahan badai pikiran yang masuk ke otak. lalu tiba-tiba semua terdiam. Sang pemeran utama mulai berdiri perlahan-lahan dari lantai dan mulai berjalan menuju beranda. Angin berhembus sangat kencang di lantai dua puluh apartemen itu. Berjalan dengan langkah gontai, menabrak meja menyenggol kursi. Dia tidak merasa apa apa. Pagar pembatas telah masuk dalam jangkauan tangan dan dia melepas satu pandangan terakhir akan kota itu. Barisan lampu neon dan gerakan lampu kendaraan sejenak terasa menenangkan. Dia mencapai tingkat spriritualitas tertinggi dalam hidupnya. Satu kaki naik, dua kaki naik, akhirnya berdiri di ujung pagar. Entah kenapa senyumnya terasa sangat menyakitkan. Badan mulai condong ke depan. Keseimbangan mulai goyah. Tawa si anjing tetap membahana di langit malam. Sejenak sang pemeran utama menoleh ke belakang. Anjing itu telah menghilang sama sekali. Yang ada hanya mantan istrinya. Dari matanya mengalir darah segar dan senyum mengejeknya terasa sangat manis. Kamar telah menghilang digantikan Padang pasir luas tanpa batas.
Tiba-tiba saya merasa bosan. Aneh. Baru kali ini saya merasa bosan saat membaca buku ini. Akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk menutup buku ini dan berjalan ke beranda. Angin malam sungguh menenangkan. Suara berdesir saling adu cepat memasuki telinga. Kedamaian yang tak akan bisa diceritakan dengan kata-kata menghampiri saya. Saya mencondongkan diri ke depan. Saya mulai merasakan tarikan gravitasi bumi menunjukkan kekuatannya. Saya menoleh ke belakang dengan penuh harap dan ya, dia masih duduk disana. Matanya masih mengalirkan darah segar. Senyumnya masih terlihat menyebalkan walau saya sebenarnya menyukai senyum itu.
Angin malam ini benar-benar menyejukkan.
Si anjing berkata kepada pemeran utama bahwa segala usahanya untuk melupakan dan menghilangkan memori dan data akan pasangan hidupnya itu adalah sia-sia. Bahwa apapun yang sudah terbakar di neraka tidak akan bisa mendengar bahkan doa yang paling tulus dari anak kecil yang paling polos sekalipun. Apalagi si pemeran utama disini adalah seorang residivis yang melakukan kejahatan gila. kemungkinannya adalah 0%. Kegagalan mutlak. Skizofrenia yang telah berhasil disingkirkannya kembali merangkak naik ke permukaan. Paranoia merasuk kedalam sendi-sendi tulang, manghambat daya gerak. Rasa mual seakan-akan menerjang seperti tsunami. Dia jatuh. Dia hilang. Hilang di dalam labirin yang tanpa sengaja dia buat sendiri.
Anjing itu tersenyum. Tertawa. Berguling-guling di tanah menahan rasa geli. Dilihatnya sang pemeran utama menjerit kesakitan dan menggeliat menahan badai pikiran yang masuk ke otak. lalu tiba-tiba semua terdiam. Sang pemeran utama mulai berdiri perlahan-lahan dari lantai dan mulai berjalan menuju beranda. Angin berhembus sangat kencang di lantai dua puluh apartemen itu. Berjalan dengan langkah gontai, menabrak meja menyenggol kursi. Dia tidak merasa apa apa. Pagar pembatas telah masuk dalam jangkauan tangan dan dia melepas satu pandangan terakhir akan kota itu. Barisan lampu neon dan gerakan lampu kendaraan sejenak terasa menenangkan. Dia mencapai tingkat spriritualitas tertinggi dalam hidupnya. Satu kaki naik, dua kaki naik, akhirnya berdiri di ujung pagar. Entah kenapa senyumnya terasa sangat menyakitkan. Badan mulai condong ke depan. Keseimbangan mulai goyah. Tawa si anjing tetap membahana di langit malam. Sejenak sang pemeran utama menoleh ke belakang. Anjing itu telah menghilang sama sekali. Yang ada hanya mantan istrinya. Dari matanya mengalir darah segar dan senyum mengejeknya terasa sangat manis. Kamar telah menghilang digantikan Padang pasir luas tanpa batas.
Tiba-tiba saya merasa bosan. Aneh. Baru kali ini saya merasa bosan saat membaca buku ini. Akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk menutup buku ini dan berjalan ke beranda. Angin malam sungguh menenangkan. Suara berdesir saling adu cepat memasuki telinga. Kedamaian yang tak akan bisa diceritakan dengan kata-kata menghampiri saya. Saya mencondongkan diri ke depan. Saya mulai merasakan tarikan gravitasi bumi menunjukkan kekuatannya. Saya menoleh ke belakang dengan penuh harap dan ya, dia masih duduk disana. Matanya masih mengalirkan darah segar. Senyumnya masih terlihat menyebalkan walau saya sebenarnya menyukai senyum itu.
Angin malam ini benar-benar menyejukkan.
Sabtu, 12 September 2009
Minggu, 06 September 2009
Dream a little bit of me and i'll forget it when i wake up
i know what you've been thinking. I know that you're wide awake. Fake tears can't fool me and laughter can't bring a smile. Honestly, I pity those who do that. But not in your case. We've been traveling for so long and share those days and night out in the wild. Those words and chit-chats are too meaningful to forget. This case is special. Our case is special. I feel like a stone crushed by drops of water which is you. And i'm pretty sure that you feel like that too. Vice Versa. The bond was too tight. The streams were so strong.
Time can't beat fate, and fate is sometime cruel. Change of mind was stronger than the needs. I started too avoid you. Started to cheat. Started to lie. Started to break promise. You destroyed my plan. My good ol' plan was broken down. Shit. That's something i never expected. You acted like you didn't care. But inside you're bleeding. Inside, You're falling apart. I laughed myself to death when i see that. The laughter burned me with joy and victorious thoughts. I feel like yi was finally whole.
Now we're finally apart. Bring me yur knife and i'll fight it bare handed. Shoot me with your gun and i'll rip it with my own knife. I'll rip you apart like a stuffed doll. I'll cut your throat open with a blunt knife and laugh along your agonized scream. Scream in pain while i laugh in joy.
Dream of me. Even if it's nightmare, I'll devour it whole.
Dream a little bit of me and i'll forget it when i wake up.
Selasa, 01 September 2009
It's a dream
I love you I love you I love you I love you
Like you always do Like you always do Like you always do
We fall apart We fall apart We fall apart We fall apart
Yet we'll stand up Yet we'll stand up Yet we'll stand up
This is so real This is so real This is so real This is so real
I like the way it feel I like the way it feel I like the way it feel
Hope it'll not burn Hope it'll not burn Hope it'll not burn Hope it'll not burn
Until you do return until you do return Until you do return
I love you I love you I love you I love you
Like you always do Like you always do Like you always do
But it's a dream But it's a dream But it's a dream But it's a dream
.
.
.
Wake up.
Like you always do Like you always do Like you always do
We fall apart We fall apart We fall apart We fall apart
Yet we'll stand up Yet we'll stand up Yet we'll stand up
This is so real This is so real This is so real This is so real
I like the way it feel I like the way it feel I like the way it feel
Hope it'll not burn Hope it'll not burn Hope it'll not burn Hope it'll not burn
Until you do return until you do return Until you do return
I love you I love you I love you I love you
Like you always do Like you always do Like you always do
But it's a dream But it's a dream But it's a dream But it's a dream
.
.
.
Wake up.
Senin, 24 Agustus 2009
Alternatif Teori Terjadinya Alam Semesta
jam dinding berdentang dua belas kali tanpa lelah dan capai.
Terlihat anak kecil menangis memegang rambutnya yang ikal tergerai sebahu. Pemandangan yang ironis melihat si anak tampak seperti seorang malaikat. Seorang malaikat yang terjatuh dari singgasana surga. Mata si anak menatap liar kearah bulan. Bulan yang sempurna.Berwarna merah darah karena gerhana total.
Sejenak terbersit keinginan dari hatinya yang paling dalam untuk membunuh dan menghancurkan. Tidak melihat sasaran dan arah hanya menghancurkan. Matanya tiba-tiba menjadi setajam pisau dan menusuk sang Ibu hingga jatuh bersimbah darah. Si anak berhenti menangis dan senyum kecil tersungging di wajahnya. Segala kesusahan dan masalahnya seakan lenyap seketika dan dia tertawa terbahak-bahak seakan tidak ada hari esok. Dia akhirnya menyadari kekuatannya yang tak terbatas. Tatapan mata berbalas darah. Berpikir kehancuran berbuah kiamat.
Dia lahir dari keluarga pemuja dewa perang. Seakan-akan dia adalah sang dewa perang itu sendiri dia keluar dari kamarnya dan mulai berkeliling. Hampir semua penduduk kota itu mati bersimbah darah. Di pusat kota si anak tertawa liar seperti iblis dan kemudian dia terhenyak. Terhenyak. Terhenyak tanpa satu kata pun. Segala kegembiraan dan euforia hilang tanpa jejak. Dia menangis. Menjerit. Muntah tanpa sadar dan merajuk. Dia meraih cermin. Menatap dalam-dalam refleksinya sendiri. Mati. Mati. Mati bersimbah darah. Sama seperti yang lainnya. Dunia berkabung. Daratan memisah. Lautan berubah pasang. Gunung-gunung meledakkan diri. Kiamat adalah nyata tanpa sedikitpun intervensi tuhan didalamnya. Semuanya hilang menjadi ketiadaan.
Dan karena ketiadaan itulah anak kecil yang lain mulai menangis.
Jumat, 21 Agustus 2009
Then what
I forget.
I've been forgotten.
I leave.
I've been left.
I smile.
Ive been smiled.
I loved.
I've been loved.
I break.
I've been broken.
Then what?
what's the next line after "While my guitar gently weeps"?
I've been forgotten.
I leave.
I've been left.
I smile.
Ive been smiled.
I loved.
I've been loved.
I break.
I've been broken.
Then what?
what's the next line after "While my guitar gently weeps"?
Rabu, 12 Agustus 2009
Jump
Drop your plates and jump.
Skip your classes and jump.
Crush your bones and jump.
Drool for hours and jump.
Break some hearts and jump.
Cry a river and jump.
Cut yourself and jump.
Wishing the impossible and jump.
Spit on your friends and jump.
Kill yourself and jump.
Listen to your heart
And hop,
skip,
jump.
Skip your classes and jump.
Crush your bones and jump.
Drool for hours and jump.
Break some hearts and jump.
Cry a river and jump.
Cut yourself and jump.
Wishing the impossible and jump.
Spit on your friends and jump.
Kill yourself and jump.
Listen to your heart
And hop,
skip,
jump.
Sabtu, 08 Agustus 2009
Arrogance
I am the one who'll take the blame, but not the one to be punished.
I am the one who break things, but not the one to fix it.
I am the one who swears like crazy, but not the one to close both ears.
I am the one who kills, but not the one to be dead.
I am selfish enough to ruin your world.
I wonder if you dare, would you?
I am the one who break things, but not the one to fix it.
I am the one who swears like crazy, but not the one to close both ears.
I am the one who kills, but not the one to be dead.
I am selfish enough to ruin your world.
I wonder if you dare, would you?
Jumat, 31 Juli 2009
Impossibility
How can you stand when the world sit?
How can you breath when the world sink?
How can you see when the world is blind?
How can you sleep while your world is awake?
You move - like I want to
To see - like your eyes do
We are...downstairs
Where no one can see
New life - break away
Tonight...
I feel like more
Tonight i...
We make the water warm
You taste - foreign
And I know - you can see
The cord - break away
cause tonight...
I feel like more
Tonight...i feel like more
Feel like more
Tonight...
You breathed - then you stop
I breathed - and drive you off
And tonight i...feel
Feel like more
Oh! tonight I feel like...
I feel like more
Tonight I feel like more
I feel like more
Tonight...
Digital Bath - Deftones
Don't cry
You always take all the pains and burdens. Always keep the ship under control. Telling jokes when we're down. Cheering us up when we fall. Giving infinite love to us. Even when we do bad things to you-which is all the time-, you always give your best smile.
But where did it go?
Where is the smile you always give to us?
It seems that this time the burden is just too much. I'm sorry that i couldn't bear it together with you. I really really hate it when you drop your precious tears. My heart is going to explode everytime i see you stressed out like this. I promise for now, tomorrow, day after tomorrow, even until doomsday, I will do whatever it takes to bring back the beautiful smile of yours.
Please mom, even if it's tears of happiness, i don't want to see it from your eyes.
You are the only woman I loved in this wicked world. And you'll always be.
But where did it go?
Where is the smile you always give to us?
It seems that this time the burden is just too much. I'm sorry that i couldn't bear it together with you. I really really hate it when you drop your precious tears. My heart is going to explode everytime i see you stressed out like this. I promise for now, tomorrow, day after tomorrow, even until doomsday, I will do whatever it takes to bring back the beautiful smile of yours.
Please mom, even if it's tears of happiness, i don't want to see it from your eyes.
You are the only woman I loved in this wicked world. And you'll always be.
Kamis, 30 Juli 2009
Komunikasi dua arah, Pisau dua mata.
Sayang,
Apa?
Aku boleh nanya ga?
Nanya apa?
Ah, entar kamu marah lagi yang.
Enggak kok yaang. ngapain aku marah sama kamu..
Tapi ga enak yang sama kamu.
Yang penting kamu kan ntar ga stress lagi yang kalo udah cerita.
Bener nih yang?
Iya beneer. Udaah cerita aja yang.
Yaa aku ini...
Kamu kenapa sayang?
Ah ga jadi ah yang.
Loh kok gitu sih yang?
Abisnya ntar kamu marah lagi kalo aku tanyain.
Ya oloh yang kan aku udah bilang tadi ga kenapa-kenapa.
Ya enggak yang aku ga enak aja sama kamu.
(hening sesaat)
Yauda jadinya apa yang mau kamu tanyain?
Gausah ah yang. Ga jadi.
Loh kamu tuh gimana sih? aku kan jadi kepikiran.
Udah gapapa yang.
Ga bisa gitu dong yang. Aku kan mikirnya aku kenapa kenapa.
Beneran gapapa sayang..
Engga. pasti ada apa apa. kamu aja sampe ga enak sama aku.
Sumpah yang beneran gapapa. Lupain aja yang tadi.
Emang aku kenapa? Selingkuh?
Loh, nggak yang. kamu kok jadi mikir gitu sih?
Abisnya kamu gitu.
Aku kan ga enak yang sama kamu.
Kan aku udah bilang NGGAK APA APA sayang.
Kok kamu jadi marah gitu sih sama aku?
Hah? aku ga marah sayaang.
Trus tadi kenapa kaya gitu? tuh kan aku gajadi nanya aja kamu udah marah marah gimana ntar kalo aku nanya.
Pernahkah anda mendengar percakapan yang sejenis seperti yang diatas baik secara langsung ataupun tidak langsung? Apa mungkin anda sendiri pernah mengalaminya?
Lidah benar benar seperti pisau bermata dua.
Senin, 27 Juli 2009
Ego
I am the sun.
I give people light.
I am the sun.
I grant people heat.
I am the sun.
I make people breath.
I am the sun.
I'm the one who they worship.
I am the sun.
I defeat the night.
I am the sun.
I am the light.
I am the heat.
I'm not greedy but I just won't be satisfied.
Rabu, 22 Juli 2009
Paradokskah?
Lo yang bilang buat apa punya hp kalo ga dinyalain.
Sekarang buat apa lo punya hp kalo ga dinyalain?
Prologue to an infinite dream
The year was unknown and the place was far. In a kingdom of light and wisdom, there lived a lonely king named Gabriel. He ruled a vast kingdom consisted of land far greater than Avalon. The greatest the world had ever seen. For thousands of years the kingdom was peaceful and calm. No outside threat could leave even a single scratch on the most outside wall of the land. Gabriel's army was strong and discipline. Gabriel was such a formidable general. Alexander the great couldn't compare with Gabriel's army.
Despite his greatness and virtues, He lived a very lonely life. No wife, no concubines, all he had was underlings and armies. Although his people admired and respected their heavenly king, the bond would never be like family. One day, right after Gabriel's routine conquest, He saw a woman in a village he happened to stop by. Not an ordinary woman. But the woman. She was known as a wicked witch at her village. They exiled her to the old shack outside the meadow. Fortunately, Gabriel was taking a rest on that meadow. It was like destiny when their eyes met. Both of them felt the same feelings that had been gone for years : Affection, hunger, compassion, care, lust, responsibility, and love.
Without second thought, Gabriel got up from his seat and walked toward the woman. His bodyguards warned him that the woman was a wicked witch. But Gabriel objected them as he said that there's no witch strong enough to lay a finger on him. His heart was beating faster in every step he took. Approaching her was harder than fighting a million armies on the battlefield. Finally he stood in front of the woman. the silence was awkward. They just stood there with no one's making a move nor saying a songle word. The woman suddenly smile and asked him, "what in the world could make the greatest king of both world address a lowly fellow like me in such a way?". "Hahaha. Please cut the formality, young lady. I'm not that great of a king." replied him. "Forgive your low peasant here for being rude toward you, my Majesty" said the woman. Gabriel felt a weird thrill down to his spine when he heard her voice. He remembered the last time he felt this way. It's almost a thousand years ago. The time when he fell in love with a woman named Astarte.
Selasa, 21 Juli 2009
Sabtu, 18 Juli 2009
Kereta terakhir menuju rumah
Aku terbangun dan keretanya sudah menunggu.
Aku Bersiap dan keretanya mulai bergerak.
Aku melompat naik dan keretanya berderak liar.
Aku duduk dan keretanya berbelok lembut.
Aku tertidur dan keretanya berteriak.
Aku terhenyak dan keretanya menertawakan.
Aku tersenyum dan keretanya membawa aku pulang.
Virtual Reality
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
We're back to normal, like we used to be.
Senin, 13 Juli 2009
Happy family, Is it even possible?
I am going to somewhere without my old man. He dumped us all. I hope they'll divorce soon.
With love,
Your son.
The greatest day in my life
Today, 13th of july 2009, is the greatest day in my life.
It ends beautifully.
And i realize it's just a dream.
Fuck.
Sabtu, 11 Juli 2009
Summer heat wave didn't reach me
I saw my own reflection on the lake's surface. All i saw was a pathetic aging man, which i know it's true. I sensed no life at all in its eye. It just stared at me blankly. I felt kinda scared but i realized it's my own face. Although i saw a little sorrow in it. It's not sorrow, actually. It's more like hatred and malice. I wanted to brush that expression out of my face. Gotta throw a stone or else so it'd be rippled. Of course it'd ripple but it became sharper and more frightening the instant the small waves disappeared. All i could do was smile bluntly, knowing that i've become a pathetic thing.
The woods were stranger than before. A lot stranger. I was easily tricked and lost. I felt a bit weird because the panic attack didn't grasp me at all. I found peace there. I hoped that it would neutralize me.
I saw my own reflection on the lake's surface, again. All i saw was still the same. a pathetic aging man, which i know it's true. I felt no life at all. Still staring at me blankly. But i wasn't scared at all then. I know that it's not sorrow. It's my deepest intentions. My intention to hate. My intention to bring malice. I knew what suits me best. And i kept that thing inside my deepest mind. Locked it up. Threw the key away.
The summer's heat didn't reach me. It can't reach me.
Jumat, 10 Juli 2009
When sunshines go beyond the trees and enlighten the forest's floor
Water flows gracefully, wiping dirts on the shore.
Water runs calmly, and many people come to adore.
Water bends silently, Tricking the eyes which cannot see
The river's stream's so calm, letting the mind to go out free.
I want peace. I see peace.
Senin, 06 Juli 2009
Semua orang menjadi bayangan
Kursi kosong semua. Kereta ini terasa lebih sepi dibandingkan tadi pagi. Sekarang deru mesin dan raungan rel terasa keras. Kaca pecah terlihat seperti ornamen yang tak kalah dengan gereja katedral. Angin sedikit berhembus dari lubang di jendela itu. Menambah dingin yang ditimbulkan oleh lampu-lampu jalan yang mengintip dengan penasaran dari luar sana. Malam ini amat sangat kosong. Aku, kertas, dan pulpen. Menulis ternyata mudah. Bayang-bayang dan inspirasi melaju saling mendahului. Terdiam. Terpaku. Hampa. Kebingungan datang lebih dari yang dibayangkan. Tangan tidak bergerak sama sekali menunggu perintah otak. Apa gunanya pulpen dan kertas itu kalau begitu?
Satu stasiun terlewatkan. Tadi terlihat gerombolan pengemis dan pengembara kota besar berjejalan di pelataran stasiun, berusaha mencari utopia mereka sendiri. Yah, memang untuk sebagian besar orang hal tersebut malah terlihat aneh. Tapi tidak untuk mereka. Setiap malam mereka mencari surga mereka sendiri. Beda tempat, beda waktu, beda suasana. Untuk mereka surga ada dimana-mana sedangkan kita setiap hari berjuang keluar masuk neraka untuk mencoba menggapai surga yang tak tentu dimana.
Kereta bersinggungan dengan sebuah jalan protokol. Terlihat palang pembatas mencegah orang-orang agar tidak mati dengan bodoh. Kalian tahu apa yang terjadi jika satu bingkai besi dihajar oleh 150 kilometer/jam baja? yang tidak beruntung akan selalu dikenang sebagai urban legend daerah itu. Lalu lintas disini masih lumayan ramai. Rupanya masih banyak orang yang menunggu sampai peraturan pemerintah itu habis masa berlakunya. Tanpa sengaja meeka menghabisi harapan dan doa orang-orang yang menggantungkan hidupnya pada ibu jari mereka. Ya, ibu jari yang mengisyaratkan agar pengendara mobil berhenti dan memberikan uang pada mereka jika mereka mau menemani melewati jalan raya tanpa kehilangan lebih banyak uang. Hidup benar-benar dinamis di kota ini.
Aku bisa melihat tujuan akhirku dari sini. Lampu stasiun yang remang-remang dan barisan penjual rokok yang berusaha melawan kantuk sudah dipastikan akan menyambt kedatanganku. Ini bukan pertama kalinya aku sendiri dalam satu gerbong ini. Aku memang tidak selalu sendiri, tetapi keberadaan orang lain dalam gerbong ini juga jarang sekali. Aku bersiap-siap turun. Koran itu sebaiknya kutinggalkan saja. Toh, besok pagi sudah tidak ada dimana-mana.
Pintu terbuka. Kulangkahkan kaki ke depan. Aroma segar tanah sehabis hujan menyapa dengan diam. Aku menarik nafas dalam-dalam. Satu, Dua, Tiga. Aku kembali menatap dunia. tempat dimana kenyataan pahit mengkamuflasekan diri dengan gelak tawa. Aku tidak ingin keluar dari kereta. Berharap gerbong kosong itu akan kembali terbuka dan menarikku ke stasiun akhir. melewati perjalanan diatas rel tanpa batas. Hanya disitulah aku bisa menunjuk. Dan hanya disitulah aku tak akan ditunjuk. Menjadi pusat duniaku sendiri.
Dimana semua orang adalah bayangan.
Satu stasiun terlewatkan. Tadi terlihat gerombolan pengemis dan pengembara kota besar berjejalan di pelataran stasiun, berusaha mencari utopia mereka sendiri. Yah, memang untuk sebagian besar orang hal tersebut malah terlihat aneh. Tapi tidak untuk mereka. Setiap malam mereka mencari surga mereka sendiri. Beda tempat, beda waktu, beda suasana. Untuk mereka surga ada dimana-mana sedangkan kita setiap hari berjuang keluar masuk neraka untuk mencoba menggapai surga yang tak tentu dimana.
Kereta bersinggungan dengan sebuah jalan protokol. Terlihat palang pembatas mencegah orang-orang agar tidak mati dengan bodoh. Kalian tahu apa yang terjadi jika satu bingkai besi dihajar oleh 150 kilometer/jam baja? yang tidak beruntung akan selalu dikenang sebagai urban legend daerah itu. Lalu lintas disini masih lumayan ramai. Rupanya masih banyak orang yang menunggu sampai peraturan pemerintah itu habis masa berlakunya. Tanpa sengaja meeka menghabisi harapan dan doa orang-orang yang menggantungkan hidupnya pada ibu jari mereka. Ya, ibu jari yang mengisyaratkan agar pengendara mobil berhenti dan memberikan uang pada mereka jika mereka mau menemani melewati jalan raya tanpa kehilangan lebih banyak uang. Hidup benar-benar dinamis di kota ini.
Aku bisa melihat tujuan akhirku dari sini. Lampu stasiun yang remang-remang dan barisan penjual rokok yang berusaha melawan kantuk sudah dipastikan akan menyambt kedatanganku. Ini bukan pertama kalinya aku sendiri dalam satu gerbong ini. Aku memang tidak selalu sendiri, tetapi keberadaan orang lain dalam gerbong ini juga jarang sekali. Aku bersiap-siap turun. Koran itu sebaiknya kutinggalkan saja. Toh, besok pagi sudah tidak ada dimana-mana.
Pintu terbuka. Kulangkahkan kaki ke depan. Aroma segar tanah sehabis hujan menyapa dengan diam. Aku menarik nafas dalam-dalam. Satu, Dua, Tiga. Aku kembali menatap dunia. tempat dimana kenyataan pahit mengkamuflasekan diri dengan gelak tawa. Aku tidak ingin keluar dari kereta. Berharap gerbong kosong itu akan kembali terbuka dan menarikku ke stasiun akhir. melewati perjalanan diatas rel tanpa batas. Hanya disitulah aku bisa menunjuk. Dan hanya disitulah aku tak akan ditunjuk. Menjadi pusat duniaku sendiri.
Dimana semua orang adalah bayangan.
Sabtu, 27 Juni 2009
Batas akhir cakrawala
Kakak, aku mau ke sana.
Sendirian saja tanpa pegangan.
Rumputnya lebih hijau dan Pohonnya lebih rapi.
Jangan ikut, tetaplah di sini.
Adik, kakak khawatir.
Rumput hijau banyak gangguan.
Pohon rindang peka sentuhan, dan banyak serangan panik.
Kalau tumbang mana bahunya?
Kakak, aku tidak butuh bahu lagi.
Tangisan kuredam dengan imajinasi.
Bahkan takut sama sekali tak menyentuh asa.
Kertas polos jadi berwarna.
Adik, sekali lagi kakak bilang jangan.
Siapa yang hilang di sana?
Siapa saja yang pernah hilang di sana?
Siapa yang akan hilang di sana?
Pulanglah sebelum bulan naik singgasana.
kakak, aku turut berduka cita.
Kanvasmu tak seperti yang kubayangkan dulu.
Gunung-gunung, pepohonan,
laut lepas sampai danau tenang.
disaat bulan mulai lelah memangku malam,
Benihmu tak akan muncul, kegelapan pun akan padam.
Sendirian saja tanpa pegangan.
Rumputnya lebih hijau dan Pohonnya lebih rapi.
Jangan ikut, tetaplah di sini.
Adik, kakak khawatir.
Rumput hijau banyak gangguan.
Pohon rindang peka sentuhan, dan banyak serangan panik.
Kalau tumbang mana bahunya?
Kakak, aku tidak butuh bahu lagi.
Tangisan kuredam dengan imajinasi.
Bahkan takut sama sekali tak menyentuh asa.
Kertas polos jadi berwarna.
Adik, sekali lagi kakak bilang jangan.
Siapa yang hilang di sana?
Siapa saja yang pernah hilang di sana?
Siapa yang akan hilang di sana?
Pulanglah sebelum bulan naik singgasana.
kakak, aku turut berduka cita.
Kanvasmu tak seperti yang kubayangkan dulu.
Gunung-gunung, pepohonan,
laut lepas sampai danau tenang.
disaat bulan mulai lelah memangku malam,
Benihmu tak akan muncul, kegelapan pun akan padam.
Kamis, 25 Juni 2009
Eternal Joke
Hello is the hardest word for me to say to you.
But you like it.
Yes, you like it.
Hello is the most troubling word i've said to you.
But you want it
Yes, you want it.
It's more than a dagger stab to the heart to say hello.
Yet i want to say it.
Yes, i want to say it.
A thousand miles seems so near if i have to say hello.
But i need to say it.
Yes, i need to say it.
Hello, it's been a while.
What's with that sorrow covered with smile?
Once again i punched through that hole.
It's me that smashed through it, not you.
We'll wait for millions of years in the future.
Until i say hello again, for sure.
I'm going to disappear, disappear from both realms.
No arms on the steering wheel,
No feet on the pedals,
No ass on the seats,
And you will not have the eyes to witness.
I'm broken. you're broken. We're broken.
The system has failed long before we realized it
But you like it.
Yes, you like it.
Hello is the most troubling word i've said to you.
But you want it
Yes, you want it.
It's more than a dagger stab to the heart to say hello.
Yet i want to say it.
Yes, i want to say it.
A thousand miles seems so near if i have to say hello.
But i need to say it.
Yes, i need to say it.
Hello, it's been a while.
What's with that sorrow covered with smile?
Once again i punched through that hole.
It's me that smashed through it, not you.
We'll wait for millions of years in the future.
Until i say hello again, for sure.
I'm going to disappear, disappear from both realms.
No arms on the steering wheel,
No feet on the pedals,
No ass on the seats,
And you will not have the eyes to witness.
I'm broken. you're broken. We're broken.
The system has failed long before we realized it
Jumat, 19 Juni 2009
Kenyataan pahit dan usaha keras tak terbayarkan
Satu,
Dua,
Tiga,
Empat,
Langkah cepat tak beraturan
Merunduk sedikit hindari sentuhan setan
Laut terbatas hanya dalam mimpi
Dinginnya air pecahkan imaji
Dendam sepanjang hidup tak terbayarkan
Apa kita terus berpapasan?
Apa kita harus berpapasan?
Sakit pikiran kacaukan imanmu
Guncang jiwamu
Lukai tubuhmu
Lalu lintas orang seakan hanya satu kursi
Keindahan dan kesenangan tak ada yang sempat nikmati
Meniadakan jembatan sosialisme tentu hal yang bodoh
Kuno, menyedihkan dan kuno
Aku, terjebak antara banyak pintu
Tanpa ada satupun jendela
Berusaha satukan kepingan yang nyatanya belum tuntas
Aku adalah satu, dan kau ternyata tak terbatas.
Dua,
Tiga,
Empat,
Langkah cepat tak beraturan
Merunduk sedikit hindari sentuhan setan
Laut terbatas hanya dalam mimpi
Dinginnya air pecahkan imaji
Dendam sepanjang hidup tak terbayarkan
Apa kita terus berpapasan?
Apa kita harus berpapasan?
Sakit pikiran kacaukan imanmu
Guncang jiwamu
Lukai tubuhmu
Lalu lintas orang seakan hanya satu kursi
Keindahan dan kesenangan tak ada yang sempat nikmati
Meniadakan jembatan sosialisme tentu hal yang bodoh
Kuno, menyedihkan dan kuno
Aku, terjebak antara banyak pintu
Tanpa ada satupun jendela
Berusaha satukan kepingan yang nyatanya belum tuntas
Aku adalah satu, dan kau ternyata tak terbatas.
Jumat, 12 Juni 2009
Continuing the journey with eyes closed
So, after two millions years of epic time wasted for free air and unthinkable stupidity, the miraculous space explorer came back to earth. He found out that earth had no more living organism. Even a single drop of water nor a little phytoplankton. He was confused. VERY VERY confused. He tried to breath without his breathing apparatus but all he sucked were poisonous and sizzling hot air. He coughed like crazy. Tears came out from his eyes like waterfalls. He no longer had home to came for.
I am sitting in front of my computer. Looking for good stuffs at ebay or something. This month's allowance is kinda high so i think about having a new pair of shoes. I see a cool Nike out there on the web but i want that Adidas too. Those thoughts collides inside my mind like nuclear warheads hitting the poor ground of Hiroshima. Boom. Boom. Boom. I can't decide it. Nike or Adidas?
The poor Space Explorer climbed his spaceship's stairs with a gloomy face. He never felt so sad and desperate for almost two million years. It was irritating. He didn't think of why the earth had become like that. He was sad because he wasn't there when humanity ended. And then he thought that maybe he landed on wrong planet. maybe it's Helion Prime. Maybe it's Tatooine. Maybe it's Mars. Maybe it's Venus? He cherised up and kickstarted his crappy Spaceship. It's a old spaceship, by the way. It ran on solar power. the maximum speed was Mach 50. But it could run much faster when it's needed.
After some advices and complaints from my friends, I decided to buy the Nike. Come to think of it, I like the Adidas one. But the color don't suit me nor my clothes so i go for the Nike then. It's a pair of Nike Air Force 1. It's kinda old school but you know, old school is cool. Just like chucks and All Stars. Time can't fight those old bastards. So i take a bus and go to the shoe store. It costs a fortune so i better not using it too often. and because it's plain white i have to be very very careful when i wear that thing.
The engine had started. Our space explorer set the navigation system to head for Alpha-322 Gianlorenzo. He had to refuel his ship and replenish his foods so Gianlorenzo was the best decision. It's not so far from the milky way. The ship took off in ease and the space explorer went to the outer nebula ring. For the first time in two million years, He prayed to his god. Wishing that he just left the wrong planet.
I finally got that sneakers. I'm sure it'll look good on me. Oh, That's the bus to my house. I better get going. this plastic bags are heavy as hell.
Ship refueled, the space explorer started the engine and set the navigation to earth once again. He laid on the ship's floor and closed his eyes.
It'll be a long, long journey to come back home.
I am sitting in front of my computer. Looking for good stuffs at ebay or something. This month's allowance is kinda high so i think about having a new pair of shoes. I see a cool Nike out there on the web but i want that Adidas too. Those thoughts collides inside my mind like nuclear warheads hitting the poor ground of Hiroshima. Boom. Boom. Boom. I can't decide it. Nike or Adidas?
The poor Space Explorer climbed his spaceship's stairs with a gloomy face. He never felt so sad and desperate for almost two million years. It was irritating. He didn't think of why the earth had become like that. He was sad because he wasn't there when humanity ended. And then he thought that maybe he landed on wrong planet. maybe it's Helion Prime. Maybe it's Tatooine. Maybe it's Mars. Maybe it's Venus? He cherised up and kickstarted his crappy Spaceship. It's a old spaceship, by the way. It ran on solar power. the maximum speed was Mach 50. But it could run much faster when it's needed.
After some advices and complaints from my friends, I decided to buy the Nike. Come to think of it, I like the Adidas one. But the color don't suit me nor my clothes so i go for the Nike then. It's a pair of Nike Air Force 1. It's kinda old school but you know, old school is cool. Just like chucks and All Stars. Time can't fight those old bastards. So i take a bus and go to the shoe store. It costs a fortune so i better not using it too often. and because it's plain white i have to be very very careful when i wear that thing.
The engine had started. Our space explorer set the navigation system to head for Alpha-322 Gianlorenzo. He had to refuel his ship and replenish his foods so Gianlorenzo was the best decision. It's not so far from the milky way. The ship took off in ease and the space explorer went to the outer nebula ring. For the first time in two million years, He prayed to his god. Wishing that he just left the wrong planet.
I finally got that sneakers. I'm sure it'll look good on me. Oh, That's the bus to my house. I better get going. this plastic bags are heavy as hell.
Ship refueled, the space explorer started the engine and set the navigation to earth once again. He laid on the ship's floor and closed his eyes.
It'll be a long, long journey to come back home.
Selasa, 02 Juni 2009
Greatest Irony Ever
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, Happy Birthday,
Happy birthday to you.
Hope you got the best the world could give.
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, Happy Birthday,
Happy birthday to you.
Hope you got the best the world could give.
Rabu, 27 Mei 2009
Kadang Hidup Itu Kurang Adil
Waktu itu revolusi hidup belum terjadi. Semuanya seakan-akan masih terbuat dari emas. Menunjuk ke segala arah sambil menertawai hal-hal yang saya anggap lucu, tidak sejalan, maupun memalukan. Angin dunia tidak pernah benar-benar berhembus kesini maka tetes air diatas daun itu tidak jatuh.
Semuanya akan berubah, termasuk kehidupan. Kehidupan saya pun tidak luput dari penjangnya tangan dari perubahan yang maha dahsyat itu. Tidak luput. Saat itu dia datang dan mengguncang seluruh dunia saya. Dari A ke Z, Kutub utara ke selatan, hitam jadi putih dan putih jadi hitam. Bahkan batu karang yang kerasnya tertempa selama ribuan sampai jutaan tahun pun akan kalah oleh tetesan konstan air hujan yang murni.
Hidup terasa lebih indah. Tadi emas sekarang Permata. Sensasi bertambah dua kali lipat. memang ada perselisihan sedikit. sedikit. sedikit. sedikit. Pada masa-masa indah itu saya merasa bahwa saya adalah makhluk hidup yang paling beruntung di dunia. seekor tikus yang lolos dari cakar tajam kucing pun akan iri melihat kedigdayaan saya masa itu.
Dan ternyata itu semua hanyalah kesenangan kosong.
Saya memang tidak ditakdirkan untuk hidup bersama.
Saya memang ditakdirkan tidak untuk hidup bersama orang lain.
Segala kepercayaan dan cinta saya anggap seperti angin lalu.
Saya dibekali keahlian dari sewaktu saya kecil, yang bahkan saya tidak bisa meninggalkannya di saat saya menjalani hubungan dengan siapa saja.
Keahlian itu adalah mempunyai banyak wajah.
Dia terluka tetapi berakting tegar. Dan sayangnya dia tidak bisa menyembunyikan perasaannya selihai saya. Saya tetap berlaku sebagaimana insting saya menyuruh saya. Jadi saya tidak pernah mengekspresikan perasaan yang sebenarnya. Jahat memang jahat. Tapi itulah kebiasan yang sudah mendarah daging pada saya. That's just me, man.
Janji hampir selalu dipatahkan. Lama kelamaan saya menganggap itu semua sebagai normal.
Sampai saat dia datang lagi. Dia.
Saya sudah terpisah dengan dia untuk waktu yang lumayan lama.
Dia disini bukan dia yang pertama.
Dia menghampiri saya dari jauh.
dan disaat saya sudah berpikir bahwa apa yang saya lakukan adalah benar, dia malah memberikan harapan kosong.
tidak benar-benar kosong sih, tetapi kenapa harapan tersebut baru muncul disaat saya sudah tidak punya kekuatan?
p.s : apakah ini nyata atau hanya buah pikiran iseng saya saja? baca baik-baik sekali lagi dan beri komentar anda.
jawaban anda sangat saya hargai.
Semuanya akan berubah, termasuk kehidupan. Kehidupan saya pun tidak luput dari penjangnya tangan dari perubahan yang maha dahsyat itu. Tidak luput. Saat itu dia datang dan mengguncang seluruh dunia saya. Dari A ke Z, Kutub utara ke selatan, hitam jadi putih dan putih jadi hitam. Bahkan batu karang yang kerasnya tertempa selama ribuan sampai jutaan tahun pun akan kalah oleh tetesan konstan air hujan yang murni.
Hidup terasa lebih indah. Tadi emas sekarang Permata. Sensasi bertambah dua kali lipat. memang ada perselisihan sedikit. sedikit. sedikit. sedikit. Pada masa-masa indah itu saya merasa bahwa saya adalah makhluk hidup yang paling beruntung di dunia. seekor tikus yang lolos dari cakar tajam kucing pun akan iri melihat kedigdayaan saya masa itu.
Dan ternyata itu semua hanyalah kesenangan kosong.
Saya memang tidak ditakdirkan untuk hidup bersama.
Saya memang ditakdirkan tidak untuk hidup bersama orang lain.
Segala kepercayaan dan cinta saya anggap seperti angin lalu.
Saya dibekali keahlian dari sewaktu saya kecil, yang bahkan saya tidak bisa meninggalkannya di saat saya menjalani hubungan dengan siapa saja.
Keahlian itu adalah mempunyai banyak wajah.
Dia terluka tetapi berakting tegar. Dan sayangnya dia tidak bisa menyembunyikan perasaannya selihai saya. Saya tetap berlaku sebagaimana insting saya menyuruh saya. Jadi saya tidak pernah mengekspresikan perasaan yang sebenarnya. Jahat memang jahat. Tapi itulah kebiasan yang sudah mendarah daging pada saya. That's just me, man.
Janji hampir selalu dipatahkan. Lama kelamaan saya menganggap itu semua sebagai normal.
Sampai saat dia datang lagi. Dia.
Saya sudah terpisah dengan dia untuk waktu yang lumayan lama.
Dia disini bukan dia yang pertama.
Dia menghampiri saya dari jauh.
dan disaat saya sudah berpikir bahwa apa yang saya lakukan adalah benar, dia malah memberikan harapan kosong.
tidak benar-benar kosong sih, tetapi kenapa harapan tersebut baru muncul disaat saya sudah tidak punya kekuatan?
p.s : apakah ini nyata atau hanya buah pikiran iseng saya saja? baca baik-baik sekali lagi dan beri komentar anda.
jawaban anda sangat saya hargai.
Selasa, 19 Mei 2009
Lalu Lintas Padat Penuh Harapan Kosong
Hey, aku belum pernah melihatmu sebelumnya. Kau orang baru? Kalau begitu sini.. Aku akan menunjukkan daerah sekitar. Kau tahu, aku sudah lama sekali disini. Dulu pepohonan terasa indah dan menyejukkan. Sinar matahari secara tepat menyorotkan sedikit dari anugerahnya kepada seluruh makhluk hidup disini. Tiada yang salah maupun benar. Keharmonisan nyata terasa sangat absolut. Suara tangisan sama langkanya dengan permata ataupun intan biarpun hakikat mereka sangat berlawanan. Udara putih bersih menggantung stabil pada atmosfir. Andai kamu datang lebih cepat. Sudah barang tentu kau akan merasakan utopia masyarakat yang sehari-harinya berkutat dan bergulat dengan tangan-tangan panjang kapitalisme.
Mari ikut aku. kita berteduh di bawah pohon yang menyimpan memori lebih dari separuh dari seluruh penganut agama abrahamik. Sakral. tetapi tunggu, sakral bukanlah kata yang tepat untuk menafsirkan makna harfiah dari pohon ini. dan dia tidak menyimpan memori. lebih tepatnya dia menyimpan perjuangan mereka sewaktu mereka dengan darah, keringat, dan air mata mencoba untuk mempertahankan idealisme buta tentang tuhan. dan pohon ini juga menjadi saksi bisu kegagalan mereka. ironis memang jika kita melihat kepercayaan mereka. toh pada akhirnya tak ada yang membantu mereka menetapkan eksistensi mereka di dunia. termasuk tuhan mereka sendiri.
Sarkastik katamu? memang apa yang kau tahu? kamu hanyalah orang baru disini. maaf bung, aku bukan bermaksud untuk memaksakan kehendak maupun menyakiti hatimu. tetapi memang begitulah adanya. mereka hanyalah prototipe awal dari bentuk manusia sempurna. Kau bertanya apakah aku sudah sempurna? aku tidak dapat menjawab pertanyaan itu sobat. kita masih berevolusi. yang kutahu hanyalah dalam evolusi terdapat pakem bahwa yang lebih baik akan menggantikan yang lebih jelek. Homo sapiens akan terus berevolusi. dan sesuai takdir kita kelak : Evolusi memberi kita jam pasir yang selalu menghitung mundur. senja sebuah kehidupan semakin dekat. apakah nalarmu tidak menyadari bahwa kita harus mempersiapkan diri untu menghadapi perubahan jangka panjang tersebut.
Tenanglah. Aku tidak akan memaksakan kehendak untuk membuatmu membelokkan paham yang sekarang kau anut dan kau puja. toh setiap orang mempunya urusan masing-masing. yang kadang kadang terasa aneh dan absurd. bayangkan, demi sebuah cabang dari emosi manusia yang bernama cinta, seseorang dapat mencelakakan dirinya sendiri atau bahkan orang lain. lalu buat apa cinta ada? bukankah keharmonisan merupakan tujuan terakhir kita? Utopia kita bersama? maka dari itu kawan. lepaskan pengganjal otak dan biarkan imajinasimu mengalir liar. tiada batasan untuk benda non-materiil untuk bergerak. rasakn dirimu sesak dipenuhi ide-ide yang datang silih berganti.
Jadi, sudah siapkah kamu, sayang? kalau sudah, mari langkahkan kaki kanan kita ke depan. kemasi barang-barangmu dan bawa semua itu ke taman. bersiap-siaplah untuk berbaring telentang di atas hijau rerumputan. kita akan menghitung bintang yang ada seperti yang suka kita lakukan dulu. sewaktu disini masih hijau. sewaktu matahari masih menyorotkan sinarnya menembus tebal pucuk pohon yang menghalangi. sewaktu tempat ini masih menjadi impian semu para kaum teknokrat dunia.
Nikmatilah. Karena disinilah kita sekarang berada.
Mari ikut aku. kita berteduh di bawah pohon yang menyimpan memori lebih dari separuh dari seluruh penganut agama abrahamik. Sakral. tetapi tunggu, sakral bukanlah kata yang tepat untuk menafsirkan makna harfiah dari pohon ini. dan dia tidak menyimpan memori. lebih tepatnya dia menyimpan perjuangan mereka sewaktu mereka dengan darah, keringat, dan air mata mencoba untuk mempertahankan idealisme buta tentang tuhan. dan pohon ini juga menjadi saksi bisu kegagalan mereka. ironis memang jika kita melihat kepercayaan mereka. toh pada akhirnya tak ada yang membantu mereka menetapkan eksistensi mereka di dunia. termasuk tuhan mereka sendiri.
Sarkastik katamu? memang apa yang kau tahu? kamu hanyalah orang baru disini. maaf bung, aku bukan bermaksud untuk memaksakan kehendak maupun menyakiti hatimu. tetapi memang begitulah adanya. mereka hanyalah prototipe awal dari bentuk manusia sempurna. Kau bertanya apakah aku sudah sempurna? aku tidak dapat menjawab pertanyaan itu sobat. kita masih berevolusi. yang kutahu hanyalah dalam evolusi terdapat pakem bahwa yang lebih baik akan menggantikan yang lebih jelek. Homo sapiens akan terus berevolusi. dan sesuai takdir kita kelak : Evolusi memberi kita jam pasir yang selalu menghitung mundur. senja sebuah kehidupan semakin dekat. apakah nalarmu tidak menyadari bahwa kita harus mempersiapkan diri untu menghadapi perubahan jangka panjang tersebut.
Tenanglah. Aku tidak akan memaksakan kehendak untuk membuatmu membelokkan paham yang sekarang kau anut dan kau puja. toh setiap orang mempunya urusan masing-masing. yang kadang kadang terasa aneh dan absurd. bayangkan, demi sebuah cabang dari emosi manusia yang bernama cinta, seseorang dapat mencelakakan dirinya sendiri atau bahkan orang lain. lalu buat apa cinta ada? bukankah keharmonisan merupakan tujuan terakhir kita? Utopia kita bersama? maka dari itu kawan. lepaskan pengganjal otak dan biarkan imajinasimu mengalir liar. tiada batasan untuk benda non-materiil untuk bergerak. rasakn dirimu sesak dipenuhi ide-ide yang datang silih berganti.
Jadi, sudah siapkah kamu, sayang? kalau sudah, mari langkahkan kaki kanan kita ke depan. kemasi barang-barangmu dan bawa semua itu ke taman. bersiap-siaplah untuk berbaring telentang di atas hijau rerumputan. kita akan menghitung bintang yang ada seperti yang suka kita lakukan dulu. sewaktu disini masih hijau. sewaktu matahari masih menyorotkan sinarnya menembus tebal pucuk pohon yang menghalangi. sewaktu tempat ini masih menjadi impian semu para kaum teknokrat dunia.
Nikmatilah. Karena disinilah kita sekarang berada.
Minggu, 10 Mei 2009
Dream Theater - Space Dye Vest
Falling through pages of Martens on angels
Feeling my heart pull west
I saw the future dressed as a stranger
love in a space-dye vest
Love is an act of blood and I'm bleeding
a pool in the shape of a heart
Beauty projection in the reflection
Always the worst way to start
"But he's the sort who can't know
anyone intimately, least of all a
woman. He doesn't know what a woman
is. He wants you for a possession,
something to look at like a painting or an ivory box.
Something to own and to display. He doesn't want you to be real,
or to think or to live. He doesn't love you, but I love you.
I want you to have your own thoughts and ideas and feelings, even when
I hold you in my arms. It's our last chance... It's our last chance..."
Now that you're gone I'm trying to take it
Learning to swallow the rage
Found a new girl I think we can make it
as long as she stays on the page
This is not how I want it to end
And I'll never be open again
"...I was gonna move out...ummm...get,
get a job, get my own place, ummm,
but... I go into the mall where I
want to work and they tell me, I'm,
I was too young..."
"Some people, gave advice before,
about facing the facts, about
facing reality. And this is, this
without a doubt, is his biggest
challenge ever. He's going to have to face it.
You're gonna have to try, he's gonna to have to try and,
uh, and, and, and get some help here. I mean no one can
say they know how he feels."
"That, so they say that, in ya know
like, Houston or something, you'd
say it's a hundred and eighty degrees,
but it's a dry heat
. In Houston they say that?
Oh, maybe not. I'm all mixed up.
Dry until they hit the swimming pool."
"...I get up with the sun... Listen.
You have your own room to sleep in,
I don't care what you do. I don't
care when. That door gets locked,
that door gets locked at night by nine o'clock.
If you're not in this house by nine o'clock, then you'd better find some
place to sleep. Because you're not going to be a bum in this house.
Supper is ready..."
There's no one to take my blame
if they wanted to
There's nothing to keep me sane
and it's all the same to you
There's nowhere to set my aim
so I'm everywhere
Never come near me again
do you really think I need you
I'll never be open again, I could never be open again.
I'll never be open again, I could never be open again.
And I'll smile and I'll learn to pretend
And I'll never be open again
And I'll have no more dreams to defend
And I'll never be open again
Feeling my heart pull west
I saw the future dressed as a stranger
love in a space-dye vest
Love is an act of blood and I'm bleeding
a pool in the shape of a heart
Beauty projection in the reflection
Always the worst way to start
"But he's the sort who can't know
anyone intimately, least of all a
woman. He doesn't know what a woman
is. He wants you for a possession,
something to look at like a painting or an ivory box.
Something to own and to display. He doesn't want you to be real,
or to think or to live. He doesn't love you, but I love you.
I want you to have your own thoughts and ideas and feelings, even when
I hold you in my arms. It's our last chance... It's our last chance..."
Now that you're gone I'm trying to take it
Learning to swallow the rage
Found a new girl I think we can make it
as long as she stays on the page
This is not how I want it to end
And I'll never be open again
"...I was gonna move out...ummm...get,
get a job, get my own place, ummm,
but... I go into the mall where I
want to work and they tell me, I'm,
I was too young..."
"Some people, gave advice before,
about facing the facts, about
facing reality. And this is, this
without a doubt, is his biggest
challenge ever. He's going to have to face it.
You're gonna have to try, he's gonna to have to try and,
uh, and, and, and get some help here. I mean no one can
say they know how he feels."
"That, so they say that, in ya know
like, Houston or something, you'd
say it's a hundred and eighty degrees,
but it's a dry heat
. In Houston they say that?
Oh, maybe not. I'm all mixed up.
Dry until they hit the swimming pool."
"...I get up with the sun... Listen.
You have your own room to sleep in,
I don't care what you do. I don't
care when. That door gets locked,
that door gets locked at night by nine o'clock.
If you're not in this house by nine o'clock, then you'd better find some
place to sleep. Because you're not going to be a bum in this house.
Supper is ready..."
There's no one to take my blame
if they wanted to
There's nothing to keep me sane
and it's all the same to you
There's nowhere to set my aim
so I'm everywhere
Never come near me again
do you really think I need you
I'll never be open again, I could never be open again.
I'll never be open again, I could never be open again.
And I'll smile and I'll learn to pretend
And I'll never be open again
And I'll have no more dreams to defend
And I'll never be open again
Selasa, 05 Mei 2009
Phantom of the opera with his mask that covers one-half of his face. Just one half.
There were times when we were together.
Laughing,
Chatting,
Crying,
hugging,
Kissing,
All that good old times.
And there were times when we were apart.
Anger,
Selfishness,
Lies,
More lies,
Bad memories always struck us.
Maybe one day we'll be together again.
Chasing winds, running in a meadow,
maybe staring at the sunset or making out on the beach.
Where no one sees us.
Maybe there will be times that we are together again.
You and Me.
Live happily ever after.
At last.
but Unfortunately,
When that time comes, the next day will be doomsday.
So don't think about the future.
Our Future.
Or does one night, only one night, satisfy you to the fullest?
Make it faster if you don't want to be in a hurry.
Laughing,
Chatting,
Crying,
hugging,
Kissing,
All that good old times.
And there were times when we were apart.
Anger,
Selfishness,
Lies,
More lies,
Bad memories always struck us.
Maybe one day we'll be together again.
Chasing winds, running in a meadow,
maybe staring at the sunset or making out on the beach.
Where no one sees us.
Maybe there will be times that we are together again.
You and Me.
Live happily ever after.
At last.
but Unfortunately,
When that time comes, the next day will be doomsday.
So don't think about the future.
Our Future.
Or does one night, only one night, satisfy you to the fullest?
Make it faster if you don't want to be in a hurry.
Selasa, 28 April 2009
Am I Human?
I don't feel anything when my friends/family/relatives/anybody that knows me is happy or sad or anything. even(if i have) the close one.
I never tell people my real emotional state. not even my mother.
I always think of hurting people if i don't want them to be near me.
It's easy for me to fake smiles, cries, happiness, sadness, laughter, everything.
I believe in logical explanation and science above all.
I forget things very very easily.
I won't hesitate to do anything in order to get what i want.
so, am i human enough for all of you?
I never tell people my real emotional state. not even my mother.
I always think of hurting people if i don't want them to be near me.
It's easy for me to fake smiles, cries, happiness, sadness, laughter, everything.
I believe in logical explanation and science above all.
I forget things very very easily.
I won't hesitate to do anything in order to get what i want.
so, am i human enough for all of you?
Kamis, 23 April 2009
Death Rhymes With a Puzzle In It.
NIGHT AFTER NIGHT, DAY AFTER DAY
ON WEEKLY SERMON TO YOUR MIDNIGHT PRAY.
OVER YOUR SHOULDER, YOU FEEL LIKE SOMEONE'S WATCHING
NOT TO KILL YOU, JUST TO WATCH YOU DYING.
EVERY SINGLE WORD FROM YOUR MOUTH IS PRAYER FOR YOUR GOD,
KNOWING THAT SOMEONE'S GOING TO SPILL YOUR BLOOD.
NEVER GIVE ANYTHING TO ANYONE NEW,
OR ELSE, THE SMOKE YOU DRAG WOULD BE THE FINAL BLEW.
WITH ALL OF THESE, YOU MUST DIG YOURSELF FROM THE START
SO, THESE WORDS WOULD BE MERE JOKE WITH LOTS OF FUNNY PARTS.
ON WEEKLY SERMON TO YOUR MIDNIGHT PRAY.
OVER YOUR SHOULDER, YOU FEEL LIKE SOMEONE'S WATCHING
NOT TO KILL YOU, JUST TO WATCH YOU DYING.
EVERY SINGLE WORD FROM YOUR MOUTH IS PRAYER FOR YOUR GOD,
KNOWING THAT SOMEONE'S GOING TO SPILL YOUR BLOOD.
NEVER GIVE ANYTHING TO ANYONE NEW,
OR ELSE, THE SMOKE YOU DRAG WOULD BE THE FINAL BLEW.
WITH ALL OF THESE, YOU MUST DIG YOURSELF FROM THE START
SO, THESE WORDS WOULD BE MERE JOKE WITH LOTS OF FUNNY PARTS.
Now, When will the mysterious killer successfully kill this poor, religious man?
Comment immediately if you know the answer.
Comment immediately if you know the answer.
Selasa, 21 April 2009
Lucid Dream
6.00 am - wake up from an unpleasant sleep.
the day remains the same. Taking a cold, cold bath. It's bitter. the water feels like thousand needles piercing my back. I can't remember the last time morning gets this cold. Irritating. Yes, irritating. get my ass off the shower, Brush my teeth, shave, so on. The wardrobe looks like a black Ghoulish thing on the corner of my room. Take a glance inside. Red, white, black, gray, more black, more white, denim. White suits me today, i think.
8.00 am - workspace. Reeks aerosol.
Plump of clays sitting innocently on the desk. I start cutting it, carving it, drying it, painting it, drying it again, and voila.
It's a good toy, i guess.
13.00 pm - lunch break.
Streets are empty. It's weird. Oh, maybe because it's Monday. Take a little walk to warteg. Yes. WARTEG. It's a place for underclasses to gather and share their problems. The foods aren't bad. They just too cold.
Speaking of cold, it brings me some disturbing feelings about this morning.
Stomach is full. Take some drags. and go back to work.
14.30 pm - workspace.
It's all the same.
19.00 pm - computer. online.
It's relieving to see friends enjoying their lives. Well, some of them don't. But overall life's been fun for them. I'm glad to see that. I have one of them asking me "how about yours?" and i said it's quite fun. Refresh my mind with some games and shit. Well, being online is the most fun activities beside working and having sex.
00.00 am - bed. Headache.
Darkness finally devour the last of the lights as i turn off the bed lamp. It's been a tiring day.
But will it end now?
Will this day end?
I've been dreaming like this for a long, long time.
It keeps repeating itself.
Help me. Save me.
Wake me up.
Wake me up for real.
the day remains the same. Taking a cold, cold bath. It's bitter. the water feels like thousand needles piercing my back. I can't remember the last time morning gets this cold. Irritating. Yes, irritating. get my ass off the shower, Brush my teeth, shave, so on. The wardrobe looks like a black Ghoulish thing on the corner of my room. Take a glance inside. Red, white, black, gray, more black, more white, denim. White suits me today, i think.
8.00 am - workspace. Reeks aerosol.
Plump of clays sitting innocently on the desk. I start cutting it, carving it, drying it, painting it, drying it again, and voila.
It's a good toy, i guess.
13.00 pm - lunch break.
Streets are empty. It's weird. Oh, maybe because it's Monday. Take a little walk to warteg. Yes. WARTEG. It's a place for underclasses to gather and share their problems. The foods aren't bad. They just too cold.
Speaking of cold, it brings me some disturbing feelings about this morning.
Stomach is full. Take some drags. and go back to work.
14.30 pm - workspace.
It's all the same.
19.00 pm - computer. online.
It's relieving to see friends enjoying their lives. Well, some of them don't. But overall life's been fun for them. I'm glad to see that. I have one of them asking me "how about yours?" and i said it's quite fun. Refresh my mind with some games and shit. Well, being online is the most fun activities beside working and having sex.
00.00 am - bed. Headache.
Darkness finally devour the last of the lights as i turn off the bed lamp. It's been a tiring day.
But will it end now?
Will this day end?
I've been dreaming like this for a long, long time.
It keeps repeating itself.
Help me. Save me.
Wake me up.
Wake me up for real.
Jumat, 17 April 2009
The One Who Set Fire On Christmas Day
Tick,
Tick,
Tick,
People are laughing all around the Christmas tree. Everybody is having fun. one with their family, one with their friends, one with their lover, everybody.
Tick,
Tick,
Tick,
It's almost midnight. Everybody is gathering around the big Christmas tree at the center of the city. They're all full with joy and happiness. Old, Young, Men, Women, Moslem, Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, All is One.
Tick,
Tick,
Tick,
Boom.
Rain of blood everywhere. Hands and heads and feet are flying. The smell of burning flesh reeks in the air. everybody starts panicking. wondering how many of them die tonight, 25th of December 2020. It's total chaos.
The war isn't over yet.
Tick,
Tick,
People are laughing all around the Christmas tree. Everybody is having fun. one with their family, one with their friends, one with their lover, everybody.
Tick,
Tick,
Tick,
It's almost midnight. Everybody is gathering around the big Christmas tree at the center of the city. They're all full with joy and happiness. Old, Young, Men, Women, Moslem, Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, All is One.
Tick,
Tick,
Tick,
Boom.
Rain of blood everywhere. Hands and heads and feet are flying. The smell of burning flesh reeks in the air. everybody starts panicking. wondering how many of them die tonight, 25th of December 2020. It's total chaos.
The war isn't over yet.
Jumat, 10 April 2009
Bipolar
Pt. 1
Cold as winter, Dark as night
Taste of bitter, while flashes are on the sight.
The screams of agony, we see no future
Can anybody see?
This is a plague without a cure.
Pt.2
Confusing yet amusing, Complicated but simple enough
The strong will be a weakling then the weak is hard and tough.
Days ornamented with joy, love will play the role
Like spaceships ready to deploy, right through the ozone hole.
Love.
What is love?
Verb?
Noun?
Adjective?
Love was invented, not naturally made.
imagine if love comes naturally.
Overpopulation,
Murders,
Suicides,
More mental asylum,
so on.
Are you the one who invented love?
No.
Everybody invent love.
At least their own love.
Cold as winter, Dark as night
Taste of bitter, while flashes are on the sight.
The screams of agony, we see no future
Can anybody see?
This is a plague without a cure.
Pt.2
Confusing yet amusing, Complicated but simple enough
The strong will be a weakling then the weak is hard and tough.
Days ornamented with joy, love will play the role
Like spaceships ready to deploy, right through the ozone hole.
Love.
What is love?
Verb?
Noun?
Adjective?
Love was invented, not naturally made.
imagine if love comes naturally.
Overpopulation,
Murders,
Suicides,
More mental asylum,
so on.
Are you the one who invented love?
No.
Everybody invent love.
At least their own love.
Selasa, 07 April 2009
the distance between me and the world
Being unnoticed by people and unseen by the rest. it feels good. so good. no one will know me. at least my name. they don't know who am i, where do i come from, or where do i live. maybe i'm there in the crowd. but most of them flew through me like there's nothing on their way. i make loud voices, and they don't even hear a word. that's pretty conforming. i like the way the world sees me. because the world can't see me at all.
sometimes the world can sense me. sense me. but it gives no response. it just goes by like the wind. rotating on its axis and floating around the sun. while i'm here in front of it staring directly into its heart.
i don't belong to the world. i am my own world. a world that can see anything on that world. i'm the exact opposite of that world. i can see anything. i can hear anything. i can feel anything. whether it's the sound of falling leaves or big roar of the ocean's wave. just looking at it makes me feel comfortable. excitement is a strange thing, you know.
i am near, yet far.
i am strong, yet weak.
i am reliable, yet careless.
i am caring, yet very selfish.
that's because i'm my own world. i don't belong to anybody, anything, anyone. don't tell me what to do. i can do it by myself. mad at me is pointless. i don't feel anything about it. the only thing that i care about is how to turn my own world.
pace by pace.
turn by turn.
time by time.
sometimes the world can sense me. sense me. but it gives no response. it just goes by like the wind. rotating on its axis and floating around the sun. while i'm here in front of it staring directly into its heart.
i don't belong to the world. i am my own world. a world that can see anything on that world. i'm the exact opposite of that world. i can see anything. i can hear anything. i can feel anything. whether it's the sound of falling leaves or big roar of the ocean's wave. just looking at it makes me feel comfortable. excitement is a strange thing, you know.
i am near, yet far.
i am strong, yet weak.
i am reliable, yet careless.
i am caring, yet very selfish.
that's because i'm my own world. i don't belong to anybody, anything, anyone. don't tell me what to do. i can do it by myself. mad at me is pointless. i don't feel anything about it. the only thing that i care about is how to turn my own world.
pace by pace.
turn by turn.
time by time.
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