Am I Human?

I don't feel anything when my friends/family/relatives/anybody that knows me is happy or sad or anything. even(if i have) the close one.
I never tell people my real emotional state. not even my mother.
I always think of hurting people if i don't want them to be near me.
It's easy for me to fake smiles, cries, happiness, sadness, laughter, everything.
I believe in logical explanation and science above all.
I forget things very very easily.
I won't hesitate to do anything in order to get what i want.

so, am i human enough for all of you?

Death Rhymes With a Puzzle In It.

NIGHT AFTER NIGHT, DAY AFTER DAY
ON WEEKLY SERMON TO YOUR MIDNIGHT PRAY.
OVER YOUR SHOULDER, YOU FEEL LIKE SOMEONE'S WATCHING
NOT TO KILL YOU, JUST TO WATCH YOU DYING.
EVERY SINGLE WORD FROM YOUR MOUTH IS PRAYER FOR YOUR GOD,
KNOWING THAT SOMEONE'S GOING TO SPILL YOUR BLOOD.
NEVER GIVE ANYTHING TO ANYONE NEW,
OR ELSE, THE SMOKE YOU DRAG WOULD BE THE FINAL BLEW.
WITH ALL OF THESE, YOU MUST DIG YOURSELF FROM THE START
SO, THESE WORDS WOULD BE MERE JOKE WITH LOTS OF FUNNY PARTS.

Now, When will the mysterious killer successfully kill this poor, religious man?

Comment immediately if you know the answer.

Lucid Dream

6.00 am - wake up from an unpleasant sleep.

the day remains the same. Taking a cold, cold bath. It's bitter. the water feels like thousand needles piercing my back. I can't remember the last time morning gets this cold. Irritating. Yes, irritating. get my ass off the shower, Brush my teeth, shave, so on. The wardrobe looks like a black Ghoulish thing on the corner of my room. Take a glance inside. Red, white, black, gray, more black, more white, denim. White suits me today, i think.

8.00 am - workspace. Reeks aerosol.

Plump of clays sitting innocently on the desk. I start cutting it, carving it, drying it, painting it, drying it again, and voila.

It's a good toy, i guess.

13.00 pm - lunch break.

Streets are empty. It's weird. Oh, maybe because it's Monday. Take a little walk to warteg. Yes. WARTEG. It's a place for underclasses to gather and share their problems. The foods aren't bad. They just too cold.

Speaking of cold, it brings me some disturbing feelings about this morning.

Stomach is full. Take some drags. and go back to work.

14.30 pm - workspace.

It's all the same.

19.00 pm - computer. online.

It's relieving to see friends enjoying their lives. Well, some of them don't. But overall life's been fun for them. I'm glad to see that. I have one of them asking me "how about yours?" and i said it's quite fun. Refresh my mind with some games and shit. Well, being online is the most fun activities beside working and having sex.

00.00 am - bed. Headache.

Darkness finally devour the last of the lights as i turn off the bed lamp. It's been a tiring day.

But will it end now?

Will this day end?

I've been dreaming like this for a long, long time.

It keeps repeating itself.

Help me. Save me.

Wake me up.

Wake me up for real.

Statement

I'm Drowning.




And i don't want to go back to the surface.

The One Who Set Fire On Christmas Day

Tick,

Tick,

Tick,

People are laughing all around the Christmas tree. Everybody is having fun. one with their family, one with their friends, one with their lover, everybody.

Tick,

Tick,

Tick,

It's almost midnight. Everybody is gathering around the big Christmas tree at the center of the city. They're all full with joy and happiness. Old, Young, Men, Women, Moslem, Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, All is One.

Tick,

Tick,

Tick,

Boom.

Rain of blood everywhere. Hands and heads and feet are flying. The smell of burning flesh reeks in the air. everybody starts panicking. wondering how many of them die tonight, 25th of December 2020. It's total chaos.

The war isn't over yet.

Bipolar

Pt. 1
Cold as winter, Dark as night
Taste of bitter, while flashes are on the sight.
The screams of agony, we see no future
Can anybody see?
This is a plague without a cure.

Pt.2
Confusing yet amusing, Complicated but simple enough
The strong will be a weakling then the weak is hard and tough.
Days ornamented with joy, love will play the role
Like spaceships ready to deploy, right through the ozone hole.


Love.
What is love?
Verb?
Noun?
Adjective?

Love was invented, not naturally made.
imagine if love comes naturally.
Overpopulation,
Murders,
Suicides,
More mental asylum,
so on.

Are you the one who invented love?

No.

Everybody invent love.

At least their own love.

the distance between me and the world

Being unnoticed by people and unseen by the rest. it feels good. so good. no one will know me. at least my name. they don't know who am i, where do i come from, or where do i live. maybe i'm there in the crowd. but most of them flew through me like there's nothing on their way. i make loud voices, and they don't even hear a word. that's pretty conforming. i like the way the world sees me. because the world can't see me at all.

sometimes the world can sense me. sense me. but it gives no response. it just goes by like the wind. rotating on its axis and floating around the sun. while i'm here in front of it staring directly into its heart.

i don't belong to the world. i am my own world. a world that can see anything on that world. i'm the exact opposite of that world. i can see anything. i can hear anything. i can feel anything. whether it's the sound of falling leaves or big roar of the ocean's wave. just looking at it makes me feel comfortable. excitement is a strange thing, you know.

i am near, yet far.

i am strong, yet weak.

i am reliable, yet careless.

i am caring, yet very selfish.

that's because i'm my own world. i don't belong to anybody, anything, anyone. don't tell me what to do. i can do it by myself. mad at me is pointless. i don't feel anything about it. the only thing that i care about is how to turn my own world.

pace by pace.

turn by turn.

time by time.