Summer heat wave didn't reach me

I saw my own reflection on the lake's surface. All i saw was a pathetic aging man, which i know it's true. I sensed no life at all in its eye. It just stared at me blankly. I felt kinda scared but i realized it's my own face. Although i saw a little sorrow in it. It's not sorrow, actually. It's more like hatred and malice. I wanted to brush that expression out of my face. Gotta throw a stone or else so it'd be rippled. Of course it'd ripple but it became sharper and more frightening the instant the small waves disappeared. All i could do was smile bluntly, knowing that i've become a pathetic thing.

The woods were stranger than before. A lot stranger. I was easily tricked and lost. I felt a bit weird because the panic attack didn't grasp me at all. I found peace there. I hoped that it would neutralize me.

I saw my own reflection on the lake's surface, again. All i saw was still the same. a pathetic aging man, which i know it's true. I felt no life at all. Still staring at me blankly. But i wasn't scared at all then. I know that it's not sorrow. It's my deepest intentions. My intention to hate. My intention to bring malice. I knew what suits me best. And i kept that thing inside my deepest mind. Locked it up. Threw the key away.

The summer's heat didn't reach me. It can't reach me.