Impossibility

How can you stand when the world sit?

How can you breath when the world sink?

How can you see when the world is blind?

How can you sleep while your world is awake?

You move - like I want to

To see - like your eyes do

We are...downstairs

Where no one can see

New life - break away

Tonight...

I feel like more

Tonight i...

We make the water warm

You taste - foreign

And I know - you can see

The cord - break away

cause tonight...

I feel like more

Tonight...i feel like more

Feel like more

Tonight...

You breathed - then you stop

I breathed - and drive you off

And tonight i...feel

Feel like more

Oh! tonight I feel like...

I feel like more

Tonight I feel like more

I feel like more

Tonight...

Digital Bath - Deftones

Don't cry

You always take all the pains and burdens. Always keep the ship under control. Telling jokes when we're down. Cheering us up when we fall. Giving infinite love to us. Even when we do bad things to you-which is all the time-, you always give your best smile.

But where did it go?

Where is the smile you always give to us?

It seems that this time the burden is just too much. I'm sorry that i couldn't bear it together with you. I really really hate it when you drop your precious tears. My heart is going to explode everytime i see you stressed out like this. I promise for now, tomorrow, day after tomorrow, even until doomsday, I will do whatever it takes to bring back the beautiful smile of yours.

Please mom, even if it's tears of happiness, i don't want to see it from your eyes.

You are the only woman I loved in this wicked world. And you'll always be.

Komunikasi dua arah, Pisau dua mata.

Sayang,

Apa?

Aku boleh nanya ga?

Nanya apa?

Ah, entar kamu marah lagi yang.

Enggak kok yaang. ngapain aku marah sama kamu..

Tapi ga enak yang sama kamu.

Yang penting kamu kan ntar ga stress lagi yang kalo udah cerita.

Bener nih yang?

Iya beneer. Udaah cerita aja yang.

Yaa aku ini...

Kamu kenapa sayang?

Ah ga jadi ah yang.

Loh kok gitu sih yang?

Abisnya ntar kamu marah lagi kalo aku tanyain.

Ya oloh yang kan aku udah bilang tadi ga kenapa-kenapa.

Ya enggak yang aku ga enak aja sama kamu.

(hening sesaat)

Yauda jadinya apa yang mau kamu tanyain?

Gausah ah yang. Ga jadi.

Loh kamu tuh gimana sih? aku kan jadi kepikiran.

Udah gapapa yang.

Ga bisa gitu dong yang. Aku kan mikirnya aku kenapa kenapa.

Beneran gapapa sayang..

Engga. pasti ada apa apa. kamu aja sampe ga enak sama aku.

Sumpah yang beneran gapapa. Lupain aja yang tadi.

Emang aku kenapa? Selingkuh?

Loh, nggak yang. kamu kok jadi mikir gitu sih?

Abisnya kamu gitu.

Aku kan ga enak yang sama kamu.

Kan aku udah bilang NGGAK APA APA sayang.

Kok kamu jadi marah gitu sih sama aku?

Hah? aku ga marah sayaang.

Trus tadi kenapa kaya gitu? tuh kan aku gajadi nanya aja kamu udah marah marah gimana ntar kalo aku nanya.

Pernahkah anda mendengar percakapan yang sejenis seperti yang diatas baik secara langsung ataupun tidak langsung? Apa mungkin anda sendiri pernah mengalaminya?

Lidah benar benar seperti pisau bermata dua.

Ego

I am the sun.

I give people light.

I am the sun.

I grant people heat.

I am the sun.

I make people breath.

I am the sun.

I'm the one who they worship.

I am the sun.

I defeat the night.

I am the sun.

I am the light.

I am the heat.

I'm not greedy but I just won't be satisfied.

Paradokskah?

Lo yang bilang buat apa punya hp kalo ga dinyalain.

Sekarang buat apa lo punya hp kalo ga dinyalain?

Prologue to an infinite dream

The year was unknown and the place was far. In a kingdom of light and wisdom, there lived a lonely king named Gabriel. He ruled a vast kingdom consisted of land far greater than Avalon. The greatest the world had ever seen. For thousands of years the kingdom was peaceful and calm. No outside threat could leave even a single scratch on the most outside wall of the land. Gabriel's army was strong and discipline. Gabriel was such a formidable general. Alexander the great couldn't compare with Gabriel's army.

Despite his greatness and virtues, He lived a very lonely life. No wife, no concubines, all he had was underlings and armies. Although his people admired and respected their heavenly king, the bond would never be like family. One day, right after Gabriel's routine conquest, He saw a woman in a village he happened to stop by. Not an ordinary woman. But the woman. She was known as a wicked witch at her village. They exiled her to the old shack outside the meadow. Fortunately, Gabriel was taking a rest on that meadow. It was like destiny when their eyes met. Both of them felt the same feelings that had been gone for years : Affection, hunger, compassion, care, lust, responsibility, and love.

Without second thought, Gabriel got up from his seat and walked toward the woman. His bodyguards warned him that the woman was a wicked witch. But Gabriel objected them as he said that there's no witch strong enough to lay a finger on him. His heart was beating faster in every step he took. Approaching her was harder than fighting a million armies on the battlefield. Finally he stood in front of the woman. the silence was awkward. They just stood there with no one's making a move nor saying a songle word. The woman suddenly smile and asked him, "what in the world could make the greatest king of both world address a lowly fellow like me in such a way?". "Hahaha. Please cut the formality, young lady. I'm not that great of a king." replied him. "Forgive your low peasant here for being rude toward you, my Majesty" said the woman. Gabriel felt a weird thrill down to his spine when he heard her voice. He remembered the last time he felt this way. It's almost a thousand years ago. The time when he fell in love with a woman named Astarte.

Mind map

I am focused,

but focus alone isn't enough.

Kereta terakhir menuju rumah

Aku terbangun dan keretanya sudah menunggu.

Aku Bersiap dan keretanya mulai bergerak.

Aku melompat naik dan keretanya berderak liar.

Aku duduk dan keretanya berbelok lembut.

Aku tertidur dan keretanya berteriak.

Aku terhenyak dan keretanya menertawakan.

Aku tersenyum dan keretanya membawa aku pulang.

Virtual Reality

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

We're back to normal, like we used to be.

Another sunrise

I am back, i am 1000000000 times stronger, and i am hungry like a wolf.

Happy family, Is it even possible?

I am going to somewhere without my old man. He dumped us all. I hope they'll divorce soon.

With love,

Your son.

The greatest day in my life

Today, 13th of july 2009, is the greatest day in my life.

It ends beautifully.

And i realize it's just a dream.

Fuck.

Summer heat wave didn't reach me

I saw my own reflection on the lake's surface. All i saw was a pathetic aging man, which i know it's true. I sensed no life at all in its eye. It just stared at me blankly. I felt kinda scared but i realized it's my own face. Although i saw a little sorrow in it. It's not sorrow, actually. It's more like hatred and malice. I wanted to brush that expression out of my face. Gotta throw a stone or else so it'd be rippled. Of course it'd ripple but it became sharper and more frightening the instant the small waves disappeared. All i could do was smile bluntly, knowing that i've become a pathetic thing.

The woods were stranger than before. A lot stranger. I was easily tricked and lost. I felt a bit weird because the panic attack didn't grasp me at all. I found peace there. I hoped that it would neutralize me.

I saw my own reflection on the lake's surface, again. All i saw was still the same. a pathetic aging man, which i know it's true. I felt no life at all. Still staring at me blankly. But i wasn't scared at all then. I know that it's not sorrow. It's my deepest intentions. My intention to hate. My intention to bring malice. I knew what suits me best. And i kept that thing inside my deepest mind. Locked it up. Threw the key away.

The summer's heat didn't reach me. It can't reach me.

When sunshines go beyond the trees and enlighten the forest's floor

Water flows gracefully, wiping dirts on the shore.

Water runs calmly, and many people come to adore.

Water bends silently, Tricking the eyes which cannot see

The river's stream's so calm, letting the mind to go out free.

I want peace. I see peace.

Semua orang menjadi bayangan

Kursi kosong semua. Kereta ini terasa lebih sepi dibandingkan tadi pagi. Sekarang deru mesin dan raungan rel terasa keras. Kaca pecah terlihat seperti ornamen yang tak kalah dengan gereja katedral. Angin sedikit berhembus dari lubang di jendela itu. Menambah dingin yang ditimbulkan oleh lampu-lampu jalan yang mengintip dengan penasaran dari luar sana. Malam ini amat sangat kosong. Aku, kertas, dan pulpen. Menulis ternyata mudah. Bayang-bayang dan inspirasi melaju saling mendahului. Terdiam. Terpaku. Hampa. Kebingungan datang lebih dari yang dibayangkan. Tangan tidak bergerak sama sekali menunggu perintah otak. Apa gunanya pulpen dan kertas itu kalau begitu?

Satu stasiun terlewatkan. Tadi terlihat gerombolan pengemis dan pengembara kota besar berjejalan di pelataran stasiun, berusaha mencari utopia mereka sendiri. Yah, memang untuk sebagian besar orang hal tersebut malah terlihat aneh. Tapi tidak untuk mereka. Setiap malam mereka mencari surga mereka sendiri. Beda tempat, beda waktu, beda suasana. Untuk mereka surga ada dimana-mana sedangkan kita setiap hari berjuang keluar masuk neraka untuk mencoba menggapai surga yang tak tentu dimana.

Kereta bersinggungan dengan sebuah jalan protokol. Terlihat palang pembatas mencegah orang-orang agar tidak mati dengan bodoh. Kalian tahu apa yang terjadi jika satu bingkai besi dihajar oleh 150 kilometer/jam baja? yang tidak beruntung akan selalu dikenang sebagai urban legend daerah itu. Lalu lintas disini masih lumayan ramai. Rupanya masih banyak orang yang menunggu sampai peraturan pemerintah itu habis masa berlakunya. Tanpa sengaja meeka menghabisi harapan dan doa orang-orang yang menggantungkan hidupnya pada ibu jari mereka. Ya, ibu jari yang mengisyaratkan agar pengendara mobil berhenti dan memberikan uang pada mereka jika mereka mau menemani melewati jalan raya tanpa kehilangan lebih banyak uang. Hidup benar-benar dinamis di kota ini.

Aku bisa melihat tujuan akhirku dari sini. Lampu stasiun yang remang-remang dan barisan penjual rokok yang berusaha melawan kantuk sudah dipastikan akan menyambt kedatanganku. Ini bukan pertama kalinya aku sendiri dalam satu gerbong ini. Aku memang tidak selalu sendiri, tetapi keberadaan orang lain dalam gerbong ini juga jarang sekali. Aku bersiap-siap turun. Koran itu sebaiknya kutinggalkan saja. Toh, besok pagi sudah tidak ada dimana-mana.

Pintu terbuka. Kulangkahkan kaki ke depan. Aroma segar tanah sehabis hujan menyapa dengan diam. Aku menarik nafas dalam-dalam. Satu, Dua, Tiga. Aku kembali menatap dunia. tempat dimana kenyataan pahit mengkamuflasekan diri dengan gelak tawa. Aku tidak ingin keluar dari kereta. Berharap gerbong kosong itu akan kembali terbuka dan menarikku ke stasiun akhir. melewati perjalanan diatas rel tanpa batas. Hanya disitulah aku bisa menunjuk. Dan hanya disitulah aku tak akan ditunjuk. Menjadi pusat duniaku sendiri.

Dimana semua orang adalah bayangan.